tetradecimal

Blood currently oiling the capitalist machine

2017-08-17T18:05:22Z

Look it's a little leaf I found

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The soundtrack of my life:

We Want You To Do It This Way, Perfect; Wait, No, Everything is Wrong (Now Do it the Exact Opposite Way)
This Thing Is Due on X Date, Except Maybe it's Not
I'm Helping by Pointing out a Miniscule Typo While You're Being Slowly Crushed To Death By Deadlines (Remix)
I'm Confused, Let's Call a Meeting (Pt I)
I Don't Know Who Should be in the Meeting, Let's Just Invite Everyone (Pt II)
So What's This Meeting About? (Pt III)
TIME OUT! (Have you Completed Your Multiple Meaningless Status Reports?)
I'm Ignoring You
Wait, Now I Need Something From You and it's Super Urgent!!!
I Zoned Out for Weeks While You Told me You Needed the Thing (Now Suddenly It's Hit Me That You Actually Need the Thing) - Emergency Remix

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Spam

2017-06-22T16:51:06Z

Is there anything more annoying than companies, apps, or other sites demanding your cell phone number before it'll allow you to create an account, access your information, or do whatever it was you needed to do? Sure, but it certainly is annoying me right now. Why do Google and Flickr and any number of companies need my cell phone information? Frankly, it's none of their business and I'd appreciate if they'd quit nagging me. I get more than enough spam.

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But you'll go with me?

2017-06-19T02:19:38Z

Today I went to the archery range and mostly hit the target!

I still can't get quite the amount of consistency I like; I think I need to work on making my draw even more consistent. One thing I'm getting used to but still struggle a bit with is how to get my middle finger to do most of the pulling, versus my ring finger. I don't have the ratio quite worked out yet, and I can feel how there's sometimes variation in my pull, especially when my arm is tired.

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What a week

2017-06-17T04:43:09Z

This week, I went on a group outing with my team of technical writers. We volunteered at a food bank, which was pretty fun, where we packed bags of frozen pasta with green beans and carrots into boxes for shipment. There were some people from Farmer's Insurance and some fourth graders there; together we packed over 4,000 pounds of food. It was pretty fun, and I got to try all the different parts of the packing process.

Afterwards we went to a place called Pizza Schmizza, where we waited forever for our pizzas. All in all, it was pretty nice and I learned some interesting new things about my coworkers, one of whom (D) had done all kinds of interesting jobs -- like juggling fire at a circus, or learning to restore old cars.

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Hunter x Hunter 33

2017-06-14T02:23:41Z

YEAH! HxH volume 33 came today!

I've been reading a couple of different manga lately, revisiting Dragon Ball and starting Claymore and Genkaku Picasso. It's pretty amazing how well Dragon Ball has aged; the art is cartoony and surprisingly simplistic but still quite striking.

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A quiet Saturday

2017-06-11T05:03:12Z

At the library today, they had a little display with all these different cuttings of roses. There was a little pile of printouts with instructions on caring for roses, too. They also had a Volunteering Fair. I got the pamphlet with the names of all the organizations, but there were so many people and lots of booths where you were supposed to talk to volunteers. Being a shut-in weirdo, I naturally avoided all of this and walked out, but I may be able to figure out a good place to volunteer by looking up the groups later.

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Plants! Plants! Plants!

2017-06-08T17:56:22Z

This is just going to be a collection of photos of plants I've been taking lately.

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A peafowl is announced

2017-06-02T20:39:58Z

The week is nearing completion, which I'm happy for -- it's just that weekends are always so fleeting.

Also, there was a peacock outside my door today! I have no idea where he came from, but he's quite handsome. There was also a little white fluffy dog who ran away when I walked toward him. Hopefully, he's not lost.

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The state of things

2017-05-31T20:31:43Z

Lately, I've been dissatisfied, sort of restless, and (last week at least) down. And I keep dwelling on things. Well, I say <i>things</i>, but it's mostly work -- anxiety about meetings with my supervisor and others, about not Doing Enough Things, about looking dumb in front of others or incurring disapproval for one failing or another. I'm not even sure why, because my last couple of work reviews have gone well. Objectively, it wouldn't even be the end of the world if the absolute worst were to happen and I were suddenly let go, as quite a few of my coworkers were in the mass layoff a year or two ago; I have enough money saved up to float me for a little while, and it'd free me up for a while from the constant undercurrent of worry.

I think part of it is that I've been trained to look externally for validation and reinforcement. I compare myself to others, I want to be the best, and it's hard to separate my own sense of self-worth from the thing I spend forty hours a week of my life at. It feels like how well I do here reflects who I am as a person, even if I know that of course that's not the truth. Even if I try to remind myself that this isn't all there is.

I hate disappointing people, and I hate being put on the spot. Day-to-day, I think to myself that there's really not much for me to complain about, but I think it's just because this place has trained me constantly to bulldoze into things that innately make me uncomfortable, because I've done them so often I've forgotten my discomfort and how <i>not</i> to suck things up.

Aside from that, I'm also impatient because I want to improve myself, but it often feels like slow going -- I don't feel like I'm great at anything I'm currently trying to throw myself into. That feeling of a lack of progress, or even simply feeling tired from the workday, makes me more prone to sitting around dully surfing the internet than working to better myself. But those feel like excuses.

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It's 2017, and you know what that means!

2017-01-13T02:17:26Z

But seriously, this is a world in which no one wants to pick up a live-action of Monster by Guillermo del Toro, but ScarJo is greenlit to play a Japanese woman. Come on, it's literally a thriller about a genius neurosurgeon trying to track down a serial murderer and there are Nazis, why.

I'm also astonished at how completely awful the Alien: Covenant trailer is. Man.

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Lost

2017-01-10T20:36:08Z

I haven't journaled in years, and I'm not really sure what to journal about, so I'll just talk about how I recently started watching old episodes of Lost and am absolutely shocked (shocked) that I really love it so far. I can count on one hand the number of films and/or TV shows that jj abrams has made that I've actually liked, and the list actually only consists of Lost.

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